Who I Am
by Yuuki Miyaka
Summary: A Shadow Tribe story. What will Ebony do if Windrunner sees the REAL her? [warning: some violence]
1. Part One

Who I Am  
A Shadow Tribe Story  
Part One  
by: Yuuki Miyaka

_"And I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am." -GooGoo Dolls_

"Hah! Look, Shadowwalker. See that?" Ebony's triumphant words made the chief hunter grimace. He slowly pulled out a pouch of dreamberries and handed them over to the storyteller. Ebony simply took them and continued. "I *told* you that Winterleaf could finally catch fish with a spear." Ebony's proud grin was as wide as the sky overhead, and just as bright. Shadowwalker just smiled and shook his head.

"But can she do anything else with it, Ebony?" The hunter spoke for a reason. Game in the area had been scarce, and the tribe needed every hunter they could possibly get. It was fortunate that so many of them already were hunters and travellers. The first was obvious, and the second had Ebony worried. If they weren't able to catch enough soon, they would have to pack up and find a way to follow their game.

"She's still a cub, Shadowwalker, and she's still learning. But now we know that she can hit a quick target." Shadowwalker nodded again, this time smiling.

"Yes, I know. She'll come with me on my next hunt. Just be sure she knows to be quiet. Fish can't hear us. Branchhorns can." Ebony nodded again, and moved away, planning to go off and celebrate her victory.

Windrunner stepped out of his den, smiling softly. He and Ebony had stayed up late talking again, something which was happening with increasing frequency. They weren't lovemates, but it more or less seemed that they were planning to become so. Sometimes the talks became so personal, Windrunner wondered what was going through that dark head of hers.As he surveyed the area, he noticed three peculiar things. First and foremost was Winterleaf, who was still proudly displaying her three fish. He could tell by the holes in them that she had not used her boot, so obviously, she must have finally succeeded in what Ebony asked of her. He shook his head, unable to understand the request.

And then there was Shadowwalker, who was actually grinning. Windrunner had yet to see the chief hunter grin. He had seen him smile before, but the smile had never reached his eyes fully, whereas now, Shadowwalker seemed completely free of pain. The older elf often wondered what had hurt Shadowwalker so badly that the hunter could not be happy without sadness. Perhaps one day he would know.

The final surprise for Windrunner was Ebony. She was moving toward her den, and it was obvious that the path was hard for her, because she stumbled every few steps. To Windrunner, Ebony had always seemed supremely graceful, and now, it was like watching a puppet. He decided he needed to help her. And he also wanted to make sure that she was not ill.

Ebony looked up blearily, gazing into the face of a very fuzzy Windrunner. "Whad're you doin' here?" she asked. Or at least, she thought she did. He just grimaced and picked her up. That gave her insides as much movement as they would allow, and she struggled away, running into the bushes.

* * *

A couple of days later, Ebony sighed as she thought about what had happened. She had been avoiding Windrunner ever since the night she had eaten too many dreamberries. She was too embarrassed to face him, and to see what he thought of her. And it occurred to her that if she was too nervous to face him, then something must be happening to her. She couldn't be falling in love with him, could she? Was it really that possible? She shook her head again, trying to clear it, and only succeeded in making her headache worse.

"I *hate* this," she said aloud, then gasped as a familiar voice quietly asked what it was she hated. Ebony slowly turned, her face bright red as she realized that she was, indeed, talking with Windrunner. She lowered her eyes, but looked back to see his reaction, and was pleased to note that he seemed happy.

"I hate not knowing things."

Windrunner smiled at the simple statement. But instead of speaking, he simply nodded. He stared out at the trees, enjoying being around her. It had been two days since they had been in each other's company, and he had missed their daily chats. In only a few weeks, it had become a very big part of his life, and he had missed it these last two days. That amazed him. He had not expected to care for her so much so quickly.

"I guess it's because I didn't know anything for so long. It always scared me, not knowing whether I was going to live or die, whether I was going to find my tribe or be alone for the rest of my life. I've never liked not knowing what the future is going to hold."

As Windrunner opened his mouth to speak, a noise interrupted him. He turned to look, only to feel a sharp pain in his shoulder. And he gazed into the angry eyes of a human just past his manhood rites. For Windrunner, time seemed to slow. He heard a cry, and as he turned, Ebony shot past him, knife out and face contorted with hate.

He stared as he saw Ebony's knife bite into the human's skin. He thought that would be the end of it, but he had misjudged the huntress. Or rather, he had misjudged the years of hate she had stored up. She kept fighting the human, even as he tried to run away. And the only time that Windrunner really looked inside her eyes, he couldn't find anything there but hatred. He backed away from that hatred, staring in shock.

Ebony's knife kept cutting into the human's skin, until the body was no longer recognizable. And even then, Windrunner could find nothing of the dark huntress in her eyes. Instead, he saw a stranger, and one who was dead on the inside. Ebony seemed to notice him about then. But there was still no recognition in her eyes. She had no clue who he was, and didn't seem to want to know. But as he surveyed the surrounding area, as he saw the bits of flesh and blood that had once made up the murdered human, he realized that he didn't know this elf at all.

Ebony came to herself about then, feral but panicked. She ran off, heading into the woods in fear and terror. And Windrunner just couldn't bring himself to go after her.


	2. Part Two

Who I Am  
A Shadow Tribe Story  
Part Two  
by: Yuuki Miyaka

_"And I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am." -GooGoo Dolls_

Ebony didn't stop running for a long time, long enough to be far away from Wayfarer Holt. And when she did stop, she burst into tears, crying as if her heart would break. She had lost control of herself, had lost herself in her hatred in front of Windrunner. And now, even if he still liked her somewhat, he would take their child and leave the tribe when it was born. He wouldn't leave the care of a cub in her hands.

She stared out into the woods, racking sobs burning her eyes and chest, keeping her from truly seeing the forest around her. He would make her leave, would do something to her. She just didn't know yet what. It wasn't fair. He didn't even understand why she hated humans so much. He couldn't. She had never once told him what they had done to her, how they had destroyed her tribe, had slaughtered her mother right in front of her, and that she could do nothing about it.

"He can't judge me like this!" Ebony yelled in anger. It never once occurred to her that he was not judging her at all, that she was the one thinking such awful things about herself.

* * *

"What do you mean, you don't know where she's gone? We have to find her!" Starsong's anxious words were having a curious effect on Windrunner. He agreed with the songshaper, desperately wanted to go hunting Ebony, but something held him back, something he couldn't quite name. And as the others chattered the same ideas, he spoke up.

"No." Quiet fell on the gathering, and everyone stared up at the firstborn. Windrunner felt distinctly uncomfortable in their gazes. "She chose to leave. She will choose to return. Until then, we wait for her here." No one argued with him. Perhaps they could all feel his conviction. Or perhaps they were slightly afraid of going after her themselves. Even Winterleaf was quiet, though her jaw was set in anger. 

Having spoken his say, Windrunner turned to leave, only to find Winterleaf suddenly blocking the door. "I say we go find her." The cub stared up at Windrunner, putting her will behind her words and gaze, and Windrunner felt the beginnings of a Challenge arise. He stared back, knowing that he could quell the Challenge, could win it with little effort. It was painful to watch Winterleaf's eyes glance away from him, though. "You have heard my words." It was his parting to them, and it was the hardest thing he had ever had to say.

* * *

Ebony sat in her room, crying. They were silent tears streaming down her face, but they were there, and she was ashamed of them. It was too much to bear. 

It had taken little effort to use her hunting skills to sneak into her own den. Now she sat there, hoping that no one ever really saw her again. She was hurt and angry and confused. She didn't even really know what was going on. It was all a blur to her.

After a while, Ebony stood, planning to pack her things and leave. But just as she did that, a dark form barred the doorway. Ebony stared up at the figure of Windrunner standing in the doorway. His face was grim, as it had never been before. Ebony angrily swiped the tears from her eyes, turning her back on Windrunner in anger and fear. She didn't want to see how he felt about her now. She didn't need the hate in his eyes.

Windrunner stood quietly at the doorway, waiting to be invited in. He wasn't going to let her leave without a fight. She had become important to him, too important to just let go so easily. Instead, he waited, wondering what she could possibly be thinking after such a show. But finally, he was the one who broke the silence.

"I'd really rather you stayed here." The words were quiet, gentle, but the tone behind them was not. His authority had finally come to the front, and it stayed there, testament to the fact that he was used to being obeyed. Ebony wondered about that, but did not comment. 

"There's nothing for me, here. I would only hurt the tribe if I stayed." Her eyes didn't meet his, and he knew that he would have to fight with all of his will to make her stay. He was fortunate that his will was strong. Finally, she tried to explain her reasoning. "You just can't understand, Windrunner. It's not as if I haven't tried to fit in. But I just can't. I'm not made to live in a tribe like the rest of you are. There's too much pain here."

Windrunner nodded, moving inside the lair to sit on a small outcropping of rock. "If that's the case, then why did you stay here? Why not just leave from the beginning?" His soft brown eyes held a world of concern for her, and she responded to that concern as she would have to his love. She turned away, holding herself as she tried to explain her reasons to him.

Windrunner listened to her attempts, slowly realizing what she was talking about, though she was making little sense. And when she was done, he summed it up for her. "You hate humans because they slaughtered your tribe, and your mother in front of you?" She nodded, looking very weak and helpless. He wanted to go to her, to comfort her, but he had to make her see, had to make her understand that what she had done to the human was wrong, just as it was wrong of them to kill her tribe.

"Ebony, can you understand that it's not right, this hatred of yours?" He was hoping the direct approach would work well, but he couldn't be sure.

"It's no more wrong than what they did to me." Ebony's view was surprising narrow in this area. Windrunner shook his head, sighing softly.

"But what they did to you was very wrong. I can't change it, Ebony, but if you just talk to me, perhaps we can work through this. I don't like to see you this way, Ebony. It isn't the elf I've fallen in love with." As Windrunner spoke, he regretted his words. He was so unsure of how she felt about him, even now. Although they had been able to see into each other's souls at first, now he could not read her.

Ebony, in turn, stared at Windrunner in shock. When her voice finally returned, she spoke hoarsely. "Why would you want to have anything to do with me? You saw what I am capable of. I wouldn't be a good mother, I wouldn't be a good lovemate. I wouldn't even be a good tribemate. I'm not worth it, Windrunner." Her words were broken, her voice so pathetic that he finally went to her. She could see how wrong it was, he realized. She just wouldn't admit it. 

"Ebony, you are a good tribemate. I don't know yet about lovemate, but I'd like to try and see . . ." He trailed off for a long moment, noting the hope in her eyes. "And as for mother, in two years we'll find out for certain, won't we?"

"Did you . . . did you mean that, Windrunner?" Ebony's voice broke again as he put his arms around her. She stared up at him in a silent plea. And he lowered his head to hers, silently proving that he did, indeed, mean what he said. 

She would heal. He could feel that within himself. And he would be a part of it. And he needed her, as surely as she needed him. Perhaps it was enough? Or perhaps soon something else would take that need's place. Who could be certain?


End file.
